It's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow...

I will make a New Year's Resolution this year. I never do, but I am going to really give it a try this year. I am hoping that by stating and setting goals for myself, I will be more willing and able to follow through with it. My resolutions will include two personal, two for my family, and one professional. So, here I go, and please feel free to ask how I am doing through the year, it will help keep me on track:

Personal Resolutions:
Get back on the treadmill
Make time for myself

Family Resolutions:
Spend more individual time with each member of my family
Cut money on "wants" by 50%

Professional Resolutions:
I will get my paper work submitted to sub and do it next school year.


Wish me luck, I am gonna need it!

Frustrated, Incorporated...

Ben went to the doctor today and his ear is still infected and clogged. So, it was a $20 copay, and $120 more in meds. This moth of on going illness is killing me financially. We have passed $500 in doctor and prescriptions for the month and another $180 for our premium. It is too much to take. I yelled at Ben when he told me about all the meds he needed and I feel badly that I did, I was just frustrated.

Me, I Ain't Much Better...

A cold is coming, well, it is here and getting worse. My nose is running, I am sneezing, and my head is clogged, this needs to stop. As quickly as I get over one thing, I get another. My hope is that this is just a cold and it will not get any worse and it will be over soon.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?

I often wonder if everyone has secrets, I think to some extend their is always something we hold back from every relationship, but how much? I think for some their secret is more a "just-don't-share" than a something they hide, but that is still a secret. So, how much do we rally not know about each other? How much would our lives change if we shared all of ourselves with someone? I guess for religious people they have a higher power that knows all of them, maybe that is what I am searching for; Someone to share myself with completely, with no feeling of judgment.

I will keep searching, and until then I will keep my secrets:)

AND I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FEEL THIS WAY...

The Kelley's got a Wii for Christmas. We played it yesterday afternoon, and I went back without the kids last night. I might need one. It is really cool and fun. For now I will play their's, alot, and save my money for one of my own.

I FORGOT!

I forgot to mention my favorite Christmas present, It was my gift from my brother and Kelly and it is a tattoo. I have waited for about 14 years to get one. I was waiting until I was able to fully commit to something, and I finally did. It is a daisy, on my foot, the colors of my kids birthstones. I love it and it did not hurt nearly as much as everyone told me it would. Anyway, I did it and I an proud of myself, it is something I wanted, but was too chicken to do.

SO KISS ME AND SMILE FOR ME...

Well, Christmas is over; tree is down, playroom reorganized, and we are ready for the next project which will be traveling. Ben, Declan and Killi are going back to New Jersey for a football game this weekend and next weekend Maggie and I are off to Florida for my sister's baby shower. We will get home from Florida and the next day my parents come for a week, oh yeah and Billy, Kelly and Angie will come for two days while my parents are here. We will be busy!

The Holiday was good. The kids got more than they could ever want or need. Ben took the girls to church on Christmas Eve, and Declan and I went to my Uncle's for a party. The kids were wonderfully behaved throughout our trip to New Jersey(and are making up for it today), I always tell them how important it is that they behave when we are out, so I guess I have only myself to blame:)

Last night the kids and I went to the Kelley's for dinner(a very,very good one!) with Ryan's mom and brothers. It was a good time and again the kids were great and this time there were six of them all 7-2 1/2, that is pretty impressive! They are awesome kids!

I hope everyone else had a great holiday too and hope the new year is a good one for all!

TAKIN' EACH DAY AND NIGHT AT A TIME...

No, I am still no closer to being ready for Christmas. I did not wrap a single gift today. Did very little packing too. I am starting to get a little stressed, but on the other hand I am starting to find some inner peace. I am not sure where it is coming from for if it is simply exhaustion, but I will take it because I feel peaceful.
I am not worried about things getting done before we go, and I am not stressed about the 4 days at my in-laws, although I swear that my mother-in-law is trying her best to cause me stress. She calls every night with a new "problem" we have encountered. I simply listen and move on. It is 4 days and it will be fine, maybe fun, ok, fine.

The kids are so excited for Santa and that is making me excited. They are at fun ages for Christmas. I really enjoy seeing their faces opening gifts. I am looking forward to my gift from my brother, and can't wait to share a picture when I get back.

And I got a wonderful gift from my husband last night. He is giving up a trip to Pittsburgh for a playoff game so that I can fly to Florida for my sister's baby shower. It was very unexpected and I am very happy. Sometimes, he is a good husband. The only catch, I have to take the little monster with me, but secretly I would rather not leave her, but he thinks I am helping him out:)

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is now Wednesday night, December 19, and I am no closer to being ready for Christmas then I was yesterday. I am down to 2 days left to be ready, and I now wonder if it is going to happen before of after I have a breakdown. I am feeling a bit better, not near well, but better. I think the kidney infection has cleared, and pneumonia is clearing, I am still battling the cough and am so tired, but I really an feeling better than last week. Ben and the kids are on the mend as well, I am thankful for that. I am hopeful that we will stay that way through the holiday.

Ben am I have had to cancel yet another trip we were trying to go on ALONE. I am starting to think it is never going to happen. At least we have that lock on our bedroom door:) Someday I suppose we will have more time alone then I will be able to stand, but for now, we will find time between work, school and kids to see each other.

We had a very busy weekend. We went to pick my mom up at the airport at about 10pm, and on our way I got a call that Rebecca's baby was on the way to the ER. So, Ben and I dropped off the kids and the grandmother and mad a quick run to the hospital to fetch her two health(a relative term,as no one in either one of our families has been health in what seems like weeks!) Back to the house we come, and everyone is tucked in and asleep by 1:30. And my my was here, and did get up with the kids first in the morning, so it was all ok.

We took Saturday morning slow. Waiting to get word on Grayson. Word came and he was staying another night. So, Ben took the four older kids to the movies while I ran to the mall with my my and Maggie. When we got back my mom took Killi and I to get our nails done for Killi's birthday. It was great. I got my eyebrows done on Friday and my feet Saturday, I has made my illness a bit more manageable. I don't feel like I look so shitty anymore. Then we went to dinner and made a run to Target. Then home and off to bed.


Today was kinda a crazy day. I got up and had to make a cake for Killi's Birthday party. Why I thought I wanted to do this at my house on a Football Sunday, I am not sure. Not to mention I am still quite sick. So, no frosting at target, I made my own. It was fine, but then I needed to decorate the cake. I am not very creative and even less artistic. The cake look ok, and Killi liked it. So, it was good.

The best news of all is that Grayson came home, and stopped for cake on the way. Now, I will spend the week getting ready for Christmas. Wrapping, packing, shipping,
and I will get healthy too!(Here's hoping!)

I went to the doctor today. I have pneumonia and a kidney infection. My chest hurts, my ribs ache, I can't sleep because I just cough, I am so tired. Enough self-pity, now I will move on.

This morning, as we were loading up for school, Killi wrote her name on the side of my car. It was awesome. It was the first time she has ever written her name. It was so cool. I hope this is a step in the right direction. She cannot tell you what the letters are except "K", but I will take it and be excited for her. SHE ROCKS!

Maggie is not 100%, and I am not sure which direction we are moving in, she napped today and only does that when she is sick. I am hoping she is not going backwards on me.

Ben is recovering from his pneumonia. Now we play who can cough longer and harder. Fun game.

And Declan is Declan. He got his first report card ever this week. He did great. I am very proud of him. He is reading real books now. It is so cool.

My mom comes tomorrow to take care of us. I am very excited. She will do all my laundry and put it all away. I can't wait. She is the best mom in the world.

A MIXING OF FAITHS

After sharing with our family Declan's desire to celebrate Hanukkah, my husband's aunt(a nun) felt it necessary to send our children a "Christmas" coloring book, each page has a prayer and a picture of the Christmas Story. I thought this was very nice until I spoke to my mother-in-law who informed me that the book was not sent so much out of kindness as to remind us that OUR Family is Christian, and we need to refocus the children on that(I will have you know that at first glance of the book, all three of my kids knew it was a story about baby Jesus).

Boy, did I want to throw the book away after that! We (mostly me) have chosen to raise our children with as much knowledge as we can about other religions and cultures. We live in an area with great diversity and do all we can to introduce the kids to it. We also travel a great deal, mostly to vacation, but this is another great opportunity for our children to encounter people different than they are. Oh well, I will get off my high hose now, and accept the book as a kind gift and enjoy helping my kids learn about Jesus, after all, that is what Christmas is all about, right?

SANTA ARE YOU OUT THERE?

I cannot take it anymore. Enough is enough. I am so sick of being sick or having my house full of sick people. We were back at the doctor today. Maggie has raging double ear infections and Ben pneumonia. I did not go to the doctor myself, but really need to, I feel so ill. I cannot breath through my nose at all, and my chest hurts when I breath. My cough is so hard that I almost wet my pants every time I cough(I think birthing three children is not helping with that:) All in all our house is full of nasty, nasty germs. I carry around a can of Lysol and Clorox wipes and clean everything I can. I am not sure what else to do.

SANTA, IF YOU ARE LISTENING, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A HEALTH FAMILY!!!!

HANUKKAH

Our Menorah hunting did not go as smoothly has we had hoped. Ben and I drove around town for an hour and a half, stopping by 10 stores and calling 2 others before we finally found a store that had one(thank you Bed, Bath and Beyond!). I could not believe the number of stores I went into where when I asked if they had a Menorah, they asked what it was, and they were serious. Anyway, we got ours and only missed one day of Hanukkah. We have lit a candle each night since at sundown, as we put on our Christmas Tree and Outside Christmas lights. The kids have really enjoyed learning about Hanukkah and even ate the latkes they helped make for dinner. Best part of all, they never asked about eight night of presents:)

PARTY ALL NIGHT!!!

Let me update everyone, there is alot to say, but I will share only a bit now. First, the baby is still sick. We are on day number 4, and I am so done. She has been in bed with us every night which has not made for good sleep. She sleeps for about 2 hours from about 10pm-2am then is up and down for the rest of the night. It is no good. This morning, Killi decided to join the party and get up at 4am with a fever and throwing up, it was awesome. A fun party we were having in our bed. Everyone is home from school today and resting, I am hoping tomorrow brings us some good health and sleep:)

AS THE BAND BEGAN TO PLAY OUT OF TUNE...

I really need to vent. Today, Ben and I had another meeting with the Child Find people about Killi. The outcome, they will come and evaluate her at school in the next few weeks. What this will do I'm not sure. She has been evaluated time and time again and nothing has come of it. Every time THEY evaluate her, she is fine or borderline or not behind enough to qualify for services; yet every time she is evaluated privately, a determination has been made that she has developmental delays. How can this be? I don't want to believe that they don't want what is best for her and are just blowing us off, but that is how it feels. I am so angry. I am so sad. I am so frustrated. I don't know where to turn next. We have been referred to The Kluge Center at the University of Virginia, and have gotten an appointment there in March. We are happy to have the appointment, but we now need to change our health insurance because none of the specialists we've been referred to take the insurance we have now. So, this means an additional $55 a pay period for health insurance, plus deductibles, plus God knows what else. I will do whatever I need to to help her, but I am really getting fed up with the system, Our we doing early intervention or not?

Next, I'd like to move on to the issue of Maggie being sick. I am not sure what is wrong with her but she has a fever and looks like she has pink eye. She also has a cough. Along with this, if it is possible, she has wanted me to hold her more today than others. I did not think that was possible as I feel all I do is hold/carry her around. I am hoping this plague skips over me as I am only a week out of a cold, shingles and an ear infection. I am sure I will not be that lucky, but I can hope, right?

To top the day, Declan announced at dinner tonight that he was not going to eat tonight until we lit our menorah. We our not Jewish, so I do not have one handy. He learned about Hanukkah at school today, and while I think that is great and I am very happy to have a menorah, pitching a fit at dinner tonight, was not what I needed. So, tomorrow I will search out a menorah for our house and refresh my knowledge of Hanukkah for dinner tomorrow.

Now I am tired as I am suffering a bout of insomnia, and have lots to do, 4 papers, finish Christmas cards, and mail out 50 invitations out for Megan's baby shower. I better get moving. I know tomorrow will be better:)

DON"T STOP BELIEVIN'

I hate the winter! The cold weather has just begun and already I have but on about 5lbs and I am sure there will be more to come. I worked so hard to shed the 30lbs I lost over the last 8 months, and now it is coming back. I guess the fact that I have stopped walking on the treadmill is not helping or the huge amounts of coke I've been drinking. I know I need to get back to walking and cut back on the soda, I just feel like I have no time. I know that is a no excuse, and I need to do it, and I am going to. Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope it's a walking day:)

GOOD NIGHT MOON

Sleep. That is all I've wanted to do all day, so I pretty much have. It was 9:45, before I got out of bed, and then all I did was eat. I was back on the chair asleep by 11:00. I sat there for an hour, then moved to the couch where I slept on and off until 2:15 when I got up to do the dishes (dishwasher broke today, think it hasn't sunk in yet!). I was back asleep by 3 and didn't get up until 5 to help Ben get the kids ready for swimming and get ready for my hour alone with Maggie. I did make the kids dinner, clean up the playroom(Ben let them play all day and never clean up!), ran a vacuum, and do some more dishes, before I got Maggie to bed. Now, all the kids are in bed. Homework is done and I need to go back to sleep. I wish I knew why I felt so shitty. I don't know the last time I slept this much.

CAUTION: DELUSIONS AHEAD!

There are times at night when the kids are all fast asleep, that I think to myself, "This is not nearly as hard as I think it is." I have time do dishes, laundry, and even get abit of down time, what more could I want in a day. I reflect on all that happened throughout the day and no matter how bad I thought it was, it always has a silver lining. A mom could not ask for more, I have three prefect (remember they are sleeping:) children, and we are going to have a good day tomorrow!

SECOND KISS HAD A TWIST

If I could win the lottery what would change? I would move someplace warm. Have a pool and a personal trainer. And yes, that would be great, but real life would not change. I would still be married, still have three kids and still have all the stress that comes with it.

Yesterday brought a new list of doctors to have Killian evaluated by. Which brought insurance issues. Do we have the right one? Do we need to switch? If so what do we switch to. With every answer comes at least two more questions. I feel I am moving in the right direction, still it takes a great deal out of me physically and emotionally. It is causing me some insomnia.

Maggie was a tiny bit better today, not good, but better.


Declan decided he'd throw his hat in the ring and get an ear infection. So, on my way out the door to get Killi, the nurse called and Declan needed to be picked up. Thankfully, I was able to get a doctor's appointment this afternoon and he can get some meds in him so he won't be sick all weekend. A Friday afternoon trip to the pediatrician is never fun, you are never the only one trying to get in before the weekend. It is done, and he has meds, so we are on the road to recovery.

Rarely do I say nice things about the husband(and not because he isn't nice;just taken for granted) but so far today he has been great. I think I've called him no less than 20 times since he left for work, and not once has he blown me off. He has listened and offered only helpful advice. I hope this trend can continue for the rest of the weekend!

I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!

Being a mom is HARD work. From the time I was 5 I always knew what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to be a kindergarten teacher, get married, and have kids. I am 32 and have achieved the goals I set for myself. For that I am very happy. What I never bargained for was how tough being a mom was going to be, especially with three kids 3 1/2 years apart. Each day brings a new challenge; todays a test in patience. A challenge I seem to be loosing more days than not lately. By the end of everyday, I am so happy to put the kids to bed, not just happy, relieved that my day with them is done. It is not that I don't love them, but boy they are killing me these days.

Today, I took Killi to the pediatrician to have it on record that I believe she has some developmental delays, I am hoping this will help in our fight with the county to get her services. The doctor agreed that she is delayed and sent me on my way with a list of doctors she wants me to see. Now, I am searching for new insurances so that I can find the one that best works with the doctors she needs to see. I printed out the 126 page document for BCBS to see if this is where we go. Tomorrow I will read through a few more. Boy, this is tough. Looking for doctors, insurance, and answers, I am very overwhelmed. I just want to help my child. It is so frustrating, knowing your child needs help and not being able to help them. I will continue on and get the help and services she needs! I won't let her down.

Today was another FANTASTIC day with Maggie! It started about 12:15am when she came in crying, "Mommy I want to hold you", this meant a night sharing a bed with her. Followed by a stiff body from sharing a bed with her, to a grumpy, no patience mommy who listened to "I want to hold you!" all day. She is making me crazy, but I do love her! Ben reminds me every night how much I wanted her:)

Finally, I woke up this morning to find that my dog had found Killi's goop from school and spilled it all over my living room and playroom, it was great. I have new furniture in the living room:( It is clean now, so life goes on.

I am hopeful tomorrow will be a better day. And as hard as my day is, I wouldn't change places with anyone in the world. I have the best family ever (followed closely by the Kelleys :)

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SONGS ABOUT RAINBOWS?

Today was a tough day for me as a mom. I was not at my best. I was tired and did not want to get out of bed, but I did. And I went to Declan's school, and took the girls to lunch. Came home folded clothes, did dishes, vacuumed, make dinner, did homework, cleaned up dinner, make lunches, put the kids to bed, and this was a light day. Maggie is really testing my patience. She is up my ass all day long. She will not give me 5 minutes to go to the bathroom alone, I really want to cry or run away. On one hand, as a mom, I feel good that she loves and depends on me more than anyone else in the world;on the other, I am tired and could use a trip to the bathroom alone.

I do love her, as I do the other two and know how lucky I am to have them. Tomorrow I will have more patience.(I can hope anyway:))

THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER!

This is the best Christmas Song I ever heard! I laughed very hard. If you are a traditionalist don't listen, but if you are up for a laugh enjoy!


http://www.globerecords.com/cgi-bin/audio1G.cgi?tdaDir/santaLostAHo.au



I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!

CHRISTMAS TREE AND MORE............

Today we got our Christmas tree; a real one. It is the first real tree Ben and I have ever had. We went out looking for a Charlie Brown Tree and came home with a very nice and full, 6 ft Douglas Fir. I like it ans it smells awesome. Tomorrow we will dress it up, and this year I may let the kids help:)


On another note, I have been having some family issues lately. My 2 1/2 year old has been sooooooooo bad. She spends her day crying and yelling and wanting me to hold and carry her around the house. I am loosing my patience and my body is starting to hurt. I truly do not remember my other two acting this way. They were not perfect at 2, but never like this.

Also, my nearly 5 year old has some learning problems. We are not sure what they are yet and the journey to find answers is getting frustrating and annoying. It seems that nobody has the answer. I have been saying that she has a problem for almost 2 years, and everyone told me she would catch up, now everyone says, there is something wrong, but still no answers. The next two weeks bring us a trip to the pediatrician and the child find office to see if anyone can help.

Lastly, I am on the mend, but not 100%. I feel so much better than I have in a long time. Now if the doctor can just find the root of my auto-immune problems I'll be set.

All this said, I do try to remember how lucky I am. Just about a year ago my 40 year old friend, with three very young children, was diagnosed with cancer and within days had her voice box removed. She has been through chemo and radiation, and is doing great, but can no longer talk without an aide. I am lucky.

My mom told me today of a childhood friend who is struggling with infertility, as I bitch about how awful my baby is. I am so lucky to have my rotten baby. I love her so.

Life is good even when it is crazy. And I am working hard to remember that.

A NICE HOLIDAY!

We had a very nice Thanksgiving. My brother, his girlfriend and her daughter came down from New Jersey on Wednesday and were here until this morning. My brother took Declan and Killi to the movies on Friday while I got some quality time with Maggie(HAHA!) It was nice to get rid of Declan and Killi for a few hours. Tonight we went to the Kelley's for game night and dinner. We all had a good time. I had fun even though I lost again!


On the illness front, I am finally on the mend I think. I feel better than I have in weeks, and my nose is not as gross as last week. I hope I continue in a positive direction.

CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!!!!

YES, I do know it is not even Thanksgiving yet, but I love Christmas decorations. We spend a lot of time doing up the house for Christmas, and we started yesterday. I went out to the shed to pull out what we had and make sure it all worked so Friday morning we'd be ready to go. Well, we needed a few new things so we took a trip over to WalMart where we ended up with lots of things to go along with all the old thingswe already had. They did not however have the blow-up Santa in the plane that Declan and I had seen at Lowes and wanted. That was okay,and we were prepared to live without it until Rebecca called and said it was going to be on sale at Big Lots today. I was very happy and Declan was over the moon. Ben however would have been fine without it, but he did agree we could get it. So, at 10 this morning Declan and I ran to Big Lots and got our 8 foot Santa in a plane and a few other items to add to the many we already had waiting for us at home.

We got home and Declan insisted on bringing everything we bought inside to show Ben. Kids, sometimes their excitement gets me in trouble! Ben was really ok, and, it was a beautiful day. About 55- 60 degrees so, we put up all our decorations. And yes, everyone that drove by looked at us like we were crazy, but I don't care. This is what makes Christmas for me. LOTS AND LOTS of crazy lights. It's fun. We will not light them until the end of the week, but they are ready to go, and it ROCKS!!!!

A COUPLE OF NOTES:

First, I know you were all waiting to here how the bus ride went so here goes:

Declan: (running from the bus to the house) THAT WAS SO AWESOME! CAN I TAKE IT AGAIN TOMORROW?

ME: Yes Declan, you can take it everyday.

I wish I had know that a 4min bus ride was going to make him so happy, I would have done it 2 months ago.

Next, my very cute and always perfect baby was so awful today. I needed to run to Target where she began her downward spiral. She was not good there. However, she was worse at Rebecca's. And she was very bad there. But she saved the best for home. She cried and threw fits from 4 to 6 when I could not take it anymore and carried her literally kicking and screaming off to bed. I know she is not feeling well and was very tired, but I sure hope tomorrow is better with her.

Last, my sweet Killi fell in love with that silly FurReal pony at Target today. She played with it for about 10min until I pulled her away and told her to ask for it for Christmas. I knew she liked it, but when my husband got home tonight, and she ran in to tell him every detail of that pony, with her blue eyes so big and a smile that stretched forever, I knew she really LOVED that pony. Let's hope Grammy and Happy come through for Christmas!

THE SCHOOL BUS

My son will start taking the bus home from school tomorrow. This has been a big step for me, as I previously told him that mothers that love their children do not let them ride the bus until they are 10. Luckily, he is my son, and did realize(on is own) that all the kids in his class that ride the bus have moms that love them. Anyway, I drive across town to take him to a school that is not our assigned school. I do this for many reasons, but the biggest being that my friend and her family( and the only "family" we have here)live in that district and she has two girls in school there and it keeps them all in the same place.

Anyway, what led to the bus riding is this, School lets out at 3:30pm, I live about 15mins away, but to get to school and near the front of the line I need to leave my house at 2:30pm with my girls(4&2) and sit and wait for 45mins. This is not fun. Not fun alone, but really not fun with a 4 and 2 year old. So, we will try the bus. They are the second stop from the school, so they are on the bus for maybe 15min. Then I can leave at 3:20pm and meet him at the bus at 3:40 and be home at the same time. No more wasting gas(at 3 bucks a gallon) sitting in line for 45min.

oh how I hope this works:)!!!!

MOM vs. MOM

I often feel as a mother that I am constantly being judged. The worst judgment I feel comes from other mothers. There is the fight with working moms over who does more and who's day is harder. Then there is the envy towards me because I don't "work" all day, which is just insane because I do work, and they should know because they pay someone to do what I do all day. There are the mothers that have older children that like to share with you how their little one would NEVER throw a fit like that in line at the food store and get away with it; while the mom in front of you is telling the cashier that she can't believe anyone would talk to their children that way. But, my favorite is the fighting between stay-at-home moms. I have never met a group of people that were more ridged. To do something a different way than them, you might as well be chopping your kids hand off. And they will give you their opinion whether you want it or not.

What I have learned through my time as a stay-at-home mom is that these are some of the most insecure people I've ever met. I am sure it is because they have so much riding on them making the right decision, but we all want to do that. And the only absolute there is in parenting is that nobody does it the same way. It is as individual as finger prints, because that is what you are putting on your children, YOUR FINGER PRINTS. So, what I want to know is why can't moms respect that we are all doing the best we can for our family?

GAS PRICES!

Today I got gas for my Suburban. It cost me 73.01 to fill up. That is 12.00 more than it was last week. I understand the economics of supply and demand, but how can the price rise almost .50 a gallon in a week? It is just insane.


Also, the kids and I are still sick. Declan has been home for the past two days, and Killi only made it to school Weds & Friday, Maggie didn't make it at all this week. I really need for everyone to get healthy. I am sick of being at home with sick kids. As a sick mommy the worst thing to do is have take care of sick kids when you're sick. They are whining and crabby and I just want to lay in bed.

OFF ROADIN '

Every so often I get a moment to look at my life instead of living it. This happened to me the other day while driving in my suburban, with my friend and our 6 children(7 and under). I turned to her and asked, "Do you ever wonder how we got here?" She looked at me, with an expression I hoped was insight, and answered simply, "NO". We then shared what we had seen for ourselves as children, and teenagers, and twenty-somethings, and oddly, neither of us is "exactly" where we'd imagined (ok, maybe we are alittle further away from it than "exactly", like not even close:). We both love are children, husbands and lives, but I just think that life has a way of taking you on an unpaved road. And it's hard and it's fun and I wouldn't change it; but my goodness,if someone could just tell you that you should bring a pillow along to sit on as there is some serious off roadin'
ahead, that would be great!

I AM SO DONE!

I have spent the last two days unable to talk due to some random virus that I am sure my kids picked up at school and kindly passed along to me. It has been a great few days for my husband and kids, no yelling mommy, they think that means do whatever you want. Tonight, I made a nice roast chicken dinner with homemade stuffing and the works. Then I cleaned the kitchen when it was over. Next, I sat down in the chair and listened to my husband bitch about how tired he is, and all he has done today! WHATEVER! He's tired. He slept in for the last two days, both of which I will remind you I have been sick. To make it worse (or better) he leaves Tuesday for a business trip. I would like to understand just once what he is thinking. A month ago when he was sick he did absolutely nothing. I mean NOTHING, oh wait, he napped on the couch and watched everyone else around him work.

I guess you take the good with the bad and do what you need to, but that does not mean I am going to stop bitching about it!

I WONDER...

What is going on here? Everywhere I turn lately it seems everybody I know is struggling to keep up. Nobody has time to get done what needs to be done. Everybody is tired, no time to sleep. What is up? What kind of society have we become when everyone feels rushed, and expected to keep giving more and more. When is it enough? How high do you have to climb before you get to the top?

So, What I want to know is, Does the rabbit ever get the carrot?

I Think I'm Crazy!

Last week I told my friend that I could no longer watch her daughter because I was having some health problems and my girls did nothing but fight with her so it was just too much. So, now with only two kids, and all three gone 2 mornings a week, what do I do? You guessed it, I volunteer at my son's school those two mornings. I like going in and he likes having me come, but still it was supposed to be my free time (you know, to clean the house and run errands :)! Oh well, it is what it is, and I may be crazy, I am having fun with the kids as they are growing up. It is not however getting ANY easier, I am still waiting for that.

I"M BACK!

I have been away for awhile from blogging. I am sorry and am going to try to blog everyday.

Where I left off:
School is going well after the initial adjustment. I am happy with the teacher and have been into the classroom many times to help. I am enjoying it. The girls have also started school. Maggie, my 2 1/2 year old, was not crazy about it at first, now she likes it. So, they are all in school.


I went through abit of a meltdown, but with the help of doctors, family, friends and meds, I am much better now.

Hopefully I will be back tomorrow.

TOMORROW'S THE DAY!

Well, it has been nearly six years, but the time has finally come, my boy is going off to kindergarten tomorrow. I am excited and nervous for both of us. For him it is an big step in growing up and becoming independent, for me it is a test in my strength in mothering. I am not sure I am going to be strong enough to support him and not let my fear and anxiety shine through. I am going to do my best. And I know he is going to be fine and have a great time.

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!

WE MET THE TEACHER!

Last night we all went over to the school for kindergarten orientation, and it went surprisingly well. We did get the teacher we had met the other day, and she turned out to not be as bad as first thought. In fact, I think she is going to be great for Declan. She seems very laid back and easy going, which should make for an easy jump into school (as I am so easy going and laid back, haha).

We also very much enjoyed the principle and staff we met. Everyone was very friendly and helpful. I am now optimistic about the school year. It will be good. Declan will love it.

SCHOOL APPROACHING

Next week my son starts kindergarten. I have very mixed emotions about this. On one hand I am very happy he is growing up and going to school, but on the other hand he is my baby and kindergarten is full day. Last week we went over to the school for a pre-school screen, so they can place the students in the right classes. This was fine except that the kindergarten teacher that did the screening. She was old and matronly. I was not happy to see this. When I was teaching, the teachers ranged in age form just out of school to nearing retirement, but they never matronly. I hear that most of the teachers at my sons school at between 40 and 60. Is it impossible to get any new blood in the school? Just a bit of a mix would be good. I don't need the teachers to be 23, but my God one 30 year old would be nice. And yes, I know I am stressing for no reason. He is going to be fine. I sure he will even like it, but me, I am not sure. I am going to try and keep an open mind. Things will be good.

A GOOD DAY!

Today was one. I feared after staying up way too late last night,and the girls waking up at 6:45, it was going to be bad. I am happy to say I was wrong. I got out of bed, Walked on the treadmill (I'm down 30lbs.),cleaned up the house, had my computer fixed, and did laundry all before noon.

Then the kids and I spent the rest of the afternoon at the pool. Almost four hours, it was wonderful. Declan and Killian both found friends to play with. It wasn't crowded. And Maggie swam on her own. A perfect summer day.

We got home around 4 and Ben followed shortly there after. I made dinner for the kids and sat with them while they ate. It was good family time.

By 6 o'clock both girls, having gotten up at 6:45 and no nap, were falling asleep on the couch. Off they went to bed at 6:30. Peace and Quiet, so why do I miss them? Yes, because it was a good day. The kind of day that makes it so easy to be a stay at home mom. The kind that makes you thankful for all you have been given.

Things

Sometimes things happen in life and you are not sure why. They are bad things,or uncomfortable things,or scary things, or things that just change your life, and when they happen you are sure your life is ruined, and you will never be able to recover. It is like the feeling you got, when you had your heart broken for the first time. But Like a broken heart, once you clear your mind and think it through, you are so much better off than you were. You learn from what has happened and it makes you stronger, and happier.

SO VERY ANGRY!!!

One of the worst traits I have is that I hold a grudge. I don't just hold a grudge though. I hold it to the point of no return. By this I mean never speaking to people long after I have forgotten why I was angry to begin with. The problem with this grudge holding is that I let it affect my life for awhile. I will get angry at someone and it will consume my thoughts. Why, I am not sure. Today, there are a few people with the honor of my anger, one I'd like to share now.

For two years my daughter danced at Dance and Gym Expressions in Stafford, VA. The experience was fine for us, but the studio was not run very well, nor were the instructors very good, but my daughter was between 2 and 4, so how much did she need to learn. Although ballet positions over 2 years would have been nice, but whatever. For my daughter to dance once a week for an hour and a half cost me $130 bimonthly, not too bad. Start up fees were about $200 extra and we paid for a medal and trophy for her. In January of this year, I paid my tuition by credit card. In March, while on vacation, I was called and told that the payment had been processed wrong, and so they took it upon themselves to rerun my credit card without my consent. I said nothing about this, but I did think it was wrong. Then in May of this year I paid by check and my check was "lost". I paid the $25 to cancel the check and tried to pay again with my credit card. Well, the woman at the front desk, who is the trashiest, most inappropriate person I have ever met, was unable to process the card. So, the following week, at the recital, while walking by her with my friends and family she yelled across the hall that I needed to pay my tuition and my credit card was declined. Declined!!! I think not. I always know exactly how much credit I have on every card, and it was $130, I always have that!!!!! Annoyed by this time I decided I will go in the following week and speak to the owner about this and pay my bill. Well, we had a family emergency and left town two days later and the money never crossed my mind again. Until last week, while on vacation, I get a call from the owner asking me to pay. So, I called and left a message and apologize for the late payment and said I would be happy to pay by credit card over the phone or by check when I got back, and for the owner to please call me as I no longer wanted to deal with the woman at the front desk since she has screwed up twice now. Well, The owner did not call me, the nasty bitch did. So, I paid with my card over the phone to be done with it, and figured I would speak to the owner when I got back to town. You see, my daughter never received her medal and trophy, I paid for at the beginning of the year. Well, I come to find out from friends of mine, that were there at the time of the call, that the nasty bitch turned to the owner and all the other people in the place and said, That we had finally paid. And said some other inappropriate things about me personally. This week was not a good week for me, as I had another issue to deal with, but next week it is on. There are somethings that I love about having grown up in NEW JERSEY, one is no fear of confrontation. And here in VA, not may people love it like I do. So, next week I will take all my anger with the world out on the stupid bitches that tried to make an ass out of me and screw my 4 year old out of her medal and trophy.

WHEN DOES..............................

...........being a grown up not suck?

...........parenting get not so hard?

..........marriage flow smoothly?

When are the kids old enough to keep the house clean after you have worked so hard to clean it?

When do you just get up and have everything run perfectly?

Does any of this ever happen? Please let me know?

KIDS!

We were out of town for two weeks, and now my kids are out of control. They have completely forgotten how to behave. They are incredible over tired, fresh and nasty. They have forgotten all the lessons I have tried to teach them.

They spent the day yesterday picking on each other, touching, hitting, teasing, you name it they did it. Their father told them to be on good behavior today. HAHA! That didn't work. It made them worse. Why is it that you ask them to behave and they do what the can to get in trouble.

A LOOK AT LIFE

It is often difficult to remember how good life is. With the daily chores and troubles it is easy to feel overwhelmed. So, has been my life in recent weeks, until yesterday. That is when I remembered how lucky I really am and how good my life is.

I have a husband that does love me (even if he doesn't always know how to show it), and three perfect children (Perfect in that they are mine and healthy). What more could anyone need. I forget how nice it is to spend a quiet day with just the kids. It really does help.

Being at peace in my home life helps me balance the rest. I also forget (too often) that for my husband and children I set the mood and tone for the entire household. When mommy is sad and angry, it is hard for the others not to follow, and 5 unhappy, sulky people are not fun. It was amazing to see the mood in the whole house change when mine did. It was a much nicer day. I hope I can remember that.

So yesterday, I stopped and smelled the roses, and they were so very sweet!

CAN'T SHAKE THIS FEELING!

For the past few weeks I have been feeling blue. This is not new for me, I have been depressed before, but this is different. I don't know what it is.

I have been sick for no less than six weeks with a sinus infection. Which has made my rheumatoid arthritis flare up. I have also had a toothache for a week. I am getting a root canal tomorrow and I hope that will help. Otherwise I don't know what I will do. I am just about all cried out. My body hurts all the time. I can't take it anymore. I need to feel better.

I have not been a good mom or wife. I have no patients, I need to snap out of it. And soon!

WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?

The day started out at 6:20am. I get up to run my husband down to the bus stop. I think, this isn't too bad, I can use this time to workout and weed before the kids get up. (You know they were going to sleep in because they went to bed late, right?) Of course not, up at 6:55. I figured I'd go out and weed anyway. I put the dog in his crate so the girls could come in and out with n0 worry of setting the dog free. I Handed them juice and breakfast and off I went. It was almost peaceful.



AND THEN, out the front door comes a huge black dog and two screaming girls!!!!!!!!! That's is correct. They not only let him out of his crate, but out the front door too. And no, Gus, our 120lb dog, does not come when called. So, off he went through the neighborhood. With that I grabbed th the girls, threw them in their bedroom and went off to look for the dog. The good news is he wasn't far, two doors down, and came with the sign of a treat. We are all home and safe again.

But what about the girls? Everyday it is something. Yesterday the coloring today the dog, I need to know if there is ever a break. What can I do to get them to behave?

THE CAR

My husband and I argue often about the state of "the family car". I will admit that it is usually not clean, however I have three children that range in age from 5 to 2 1/2, so I can not always carry the trash out with me when I exit the car. Anyway, today I was going to try and clean out the car before my husband got into it, (we were away last week ,road trip, so the car was pretty bad). I however was not prepared for what I found. My 4 1/2 year old, yes, 4 1/2, had colored with crayon, all over the backseat of my car. She had coloring books and paper, but NO, she colored all over the seats! I was less than happy.

What I want to know is WHY!!!!! What was she thinking?

A BETTER DAY, SORT OF!

The sun finally came out today!!!! We've been here since Tuesday and this was the first sight of it. We made it to the beach for about 2 hours, where it was hot and the water was very rough and cold. The kids got knocked down a few times by the waves and I had to help them up, so I was cold and sandy, but they had fun.

WEATHER AND VACATION!

We are on a mini vacation at the Jersey shore. It is 4th of July week. It is rainy and cold!

The question I ask is, "Why is it never nice for Memorial Day, the 4th of July, and Labor Day, when I am at the beach?"

Or course at home where there were supposed to be storms the fireworks went off w/o a hitch. Here a slight chance of showers, and RAIN, and lots of it!

Three more days here. Hopefully tomorrow will bring some sun and beach time!

MOTHERHOOD

Five and a half years ago, when I became a mother for the first time, I never could have imagined how much I could love another human being. And sometimes I still forget, until todays like today. When I am so tired, and have a raging fever, and still a cute little smile still melts my heart; as bad as I felt all day, when the kids came in while I was folding clothes, and wanted to play, I had to stop and play. That was the best 20 minutes I had all day.


Thank you babies!!!! I Love You!

GOOD MANNERS?

If someone calls and involves you in the drama of their life, is it rude for them not to keep you updated on the situation?


I think it is, and so now I am no longer going to involve myself in the drama.

Once again!

Here it goes. I am once again going to try and start a blog. And this time I am going to try and stay focused, and not forget my password.

This time I am going to try to find out the answer to all the questions I have, and hopefully become very enlightened. So, please comment often, and help me to achieve my goal.