CAUTION: DELUSIONS AHEAD!

There are times at night when the kids are all fast asleep, that I think to myself, "This is not nearly as hard as I think it is." I have time do dishes, laundry, and even get abit of down time, what more could I want in a day. I reflect on all that happened throughout the day and no matter how bad I thought it was, it always has a silver lining. A mom could not ask for more, I have three prefect (remember they are sleeping:) children, and we are going to have a good day tomorrow!

SECOND KISS HAD A TWIST

If I could win the lottery what would change? I would move someplace warm. Have a pool and a personal trainer. And yes, that would be great, but real life would not change. I would still be married, still have three kids and still have all the stress that comes with it.

Yesterday brought a new list of doctors to have Killian evaluated by. Which brought insurance issues. Do we have the right one? Do we need to switch? If so what do we switch to. With every answer comes at least two more questions. I feel I am moving in the right direction, still it takes a great deal out of me physically and emotionally. It is causing me some insomnia.

Maggie was a tiny bit better today, not good, but better.


Declan decided he'd throw his hat in the ring and get an ear infection. So, on my way out the door to get Killi, the nurse called and Declan needed to be picked up. Thankfully, I was able to get a doctor's appointment this afternoon and he can get some meds in him so he won't be sick all weekend. A Friday afternoon trip to the pediatrician is never fun, you are never the only one trying to get in before the weekend. It is done, and he has meds, so we are on the road to recovery.

Rarely do I say nice things about the husband(and not because he isn't nice;just taken for granted) but so far today he has been great. I think I've called him no less than 20 times since he left for work, and not once has he blown me off. He has listened and offered only helpful advice. I hope this trend can continue for the rest of the weekend!

I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!

Being a mom is HARD work. From the time I was 5 I always knew what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to be a kindergarten teacher, get married, and have kids. I am 32 and have achieved the goals I set for myself. For that I am very happy. What I never bargained for was how tough being a mom was going to be, especially with three kids 3 1/2 years apart. Each day brings a new challenge; todays a test in patience. A challenge I seem to be loosing more days than not lately. By the end of everyday, I am so happy to put the kids to bed, not just happy, relieved that my day with them is done. It is not that I don't love them, but boy they are killing me these days.

Today, I took Killi to the pediatrician to have it on record that I believe she has some developmental delays, I am hoping this will help in our fight with the county to get her services. The doctor agreed that she is delayed and sent me on my way with a list of doctors she wants me to see. Now, I am searching for new insurances so that I can find the one that best works with the doctors she needs to see. I printed out the 126 page document for BCBS to see if this is where we go. Tomorrow I will read through a few more. Boy, this is tough. Looking for doctors, insurance, and answers, I am very overwhelmed. I just want to help my child. It is so frustrating, knowing your child needs help and not being able to help them. I will continue on and get the help and services she needs! I won't let her down.

Today was another FANTASTIC day with Maggie! It started about 12:15am when she came in crying, "Mommy I want to hold you", this meant a night sharing a bed with her. Followed by a stiff body from sharing a bed with her, to a grumpy, no patience mommy who listened to "I want to hold you!" all day. She is making me crazy, but I do love her! Ben reminds me every night how much I wanted her:)

Finally, I woke up this morning to find that my dog had found Killi's goop from school and spilled it all over my living room and playroom, it was great. I have new furniture in the living room:( It is clean now, so life goes on.

I am hopeful tomorrow will be a better day. And as hard as my day is, I wouldn't change places with anyone in the world. I have the best family ever (followed closely by the Kelleys :)

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SONGS ABOUT RAINBOWS?

Today was a tough day for me as a mom. I was not at my best. I was tired and did not want to get out of bed, but I did. And I went to Declan's school, and took the girls to lunch. Came home folded clothes, did dishes, vacuumed, make dinner, did homework, cleaned up dinner, make lunches, put the kids to bed, and this was a light day. Maggie is really testing my patience. She is up my ass all day long. She will not give me 5 minutes to go to the bathroom alone, I really want to cry or run away. On one hand, as a mom, I feel good that she loves and depends on me more than anyone else in the world;on the other, I am tired and could use a trip to the bathroom alone.

I do love her, as I do the other two and know how lucky I am to have them. Tomorrow I will have more patience.(I can hope anyway:))

THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER!

This is the best Christmas Song I ever heard! I laughed very hard. If you are a traditionalist don't listen, but if you are up for a laugh enjoy!


http://www.globerecords.com/cgi-bin/audio1G.cgi?tdaDir/santaLostAHo.au



I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!

CHRISTMAS TREE AND MORE............

Today we got our Christmas tree; a real one. It is the first real tree Ben and I have ever had. We went out looking for a Charlie Brown Tree and came home with a very nice and full, 6 ft Douglas Fir. I like it ans it smells awesome. Tomorrow we will dress it up, and this year I may let the kids help:)


On another note, I have been having some family issues lately. My 2 1/2 year old has been sooooooooo bad. She spends her day crying and yelling and wanting me to hold and carry her around the house. I am loosing my patience and my body is starting to hurt. I truly do not remember my other two acting this way. They were not perfect at 2, but never like this.

Also, my nearly 5 year old has some learning problems. We are not sure what they are yet and the journey to find answers is getting frustrating and annoying. It seems that nobody has the answer. I have been saying that she has a problem for almost 2 years, and everyone told me she would catch up, now everyone says, there is something wrong, but still no answers. The next two weeks bring us a trip to the pediatrician and the child find office to see if anyone can help.

Lastly, I am on the mend, but not 100%. I feel so much better than I have in a long time. Now if the doctor can just find the root of my auto-immune problems I'll be set.

All this said, I do try to remember how lucky I am. Just about a year ago my 40 year old friend, with three very young children, was diagnosed with cancer and within days had her voice box removed. She has been through chemo and radiation, and is doing great, but can no longer talk without an aide. I am lucky.

My mom told me today of a childhood friend who is struggling with infertility, as I bitch about how awful my baby is. I am so lucky to have my rotten baby. I love her so.

Life is good even when it is crazy. And I am working hard to remember that.

A NICE HOLIDAY!

We had a very nice Thanksgiving. My brother, his girlfriend and her daughter came down from New Jersey on Wednesday and were here until this morning. My brother took Declan and Killi to the movies on Friday while I got some quality time with Maggie(HAHA!) It was nice to get rid of Declan and Killi for a few hours. Tonight we went to the Kelley's for game night and dinner. We all had a good time. I had fun even though I lost again!


On the illness front, I am finally on the mend I think. I feel better than I have in weeks, and my nose is not as gross as last week. I hope I continue in a positive direction.

CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!!!!

YES, I do know it is not even Thanksgiving yet, but I love Christmas decorations. We spend a lot of time doing up the house for Christmas, and we started yesterday. I went out to the shed to pull out what we had and make sure it all worked so Friday morning we'd be ready to go. Well, we needed a few new things so we took a trip over to WalMart where we ended up with lots of things to go along with all the old thingswe already had. They did not however have the blow-up Santa in the plane that Declan and I had seen at Lowes and wanted. That was okay,and we were prepared to live without it until Rebecca called and said it was going to be on sale at Big Lots today. I was very happy and Declan was over the moon. Ben however would have been fine without it, but he did agree we could get it. So, at 10 this morning Declan and I ran to Big Lots and got our 8 foot Santa in a plane and a few other items to add to the many we already had waiting for us at home.

We got home and Declan insisted on bringing everything we bought inside to show Ben. Kids, sometimes their excitement gets me in trouble! Ben was really ok, and, it was a beautiful day. About 55- 60 degrees so, we put up all our decorations. And yes, everyone that drove by looked at us like we were crazy, but I don't care. This is what makes Christmas for me. LOTS AND LOTS of crazy lights. It's fun. We will not light them until the end of the week, but they are ready to go, and it ROCKS!!!!

A COUPLE OF NOTES:

First, I know you were all waiting to here how the bus ride went so here goes:

Declan: (running from the bus to the house) THAT WAS SO AWESOME! CAN I TAKE IT AGAIN TOMORROW?

ME: Yes Declan, you can take it everyday.

I wish I had know that a 4min bus ride was going to make him so happy, I would have done it 2 months ago.

Next, my very cute and always perfect baby was so awful today. I needed to run to Target where she began her downward spiral. She was not good there. However, she was worse at Rebecca's. And she was very bad there. But she saved the best for home. She cried and threw fits from 4 to 6 when I could not take it anymore and carried her literally kicking and screaming off to bed. I know she is not feeling well and was very tired, but I sure hope tomorrow is better with her.

Last, my sweet Killi fell in love with that silly FurReal pony at Target today. She played with it for about 10min until I pulled her away and told her to ask for it for Christmas. I knew she liked it, but when my husband got home tonight, and she ran in to tell him every detail of that pony, with her blue eyes so big and a smile that stretched forever, I knew she really LOVED that pony. Let's hope Grammy and Happy come through for Christmas!

THE SCHOOL BUS

My son will start taking the bus home from school tomorrow. This has been a big step for me, as I previously told him that mothers that love their children do not let them ride the bus until they are 10. Luckily, he is my son, and did realize(on is own) that all the kids in his class that ride the bus have moms that love them. Anyway, I drive across town to take him to a school that is not our assigned school. I do this for many reasons, but the biggest being that my friend and her family( and the only "family" we have here)live in that district and she has two girls in school there and it keeps them all in the same place.

Anyway, what led to the bus riding is this, School lets out at 3:30pm, I live about 15mins away, but to get to school and near the front of the line I need to leave my house at 2:30pm with my girls(4&2) and sit and wait for 45mins. This is not fun. Not fun alone, but really not fun with a 4 and 2 year old. So, we will try the bus. They are the second stop from the school, so they are on the bus for maybe 15min. Then I can leave at 3:20pm and meet him at the bus at 3:40 and be home at the same time. No more wasting gas(at 3 bucks a gallon) sitting in line for 45min.

oh how I hope this works:)!!!!

MOM vs. MOM

I often feel as a mother that I am constantly being judged. The worst judgment I feel comes from other mothers. There is the fight with working moms over who does more and who's day is harder. Then there is the envy towards me because I don't "work" all day, which is just insane because I do work, and they should know because they pay someone to do what I do all day. There are the mothers that have older children that like to share with you how their little one would NEVER throw a fit like that in line at the food store and get away with it; while the mom in front of you is telling the cashier that she can't believe anyone would talk to their children that way. But, my favorite is the fighting between stay-at-home moms. I have never met a group of people that were more ridged. To do something a different way than them, you might as well be chopping your kids hand off. And they will give you their opinion whether you want it or not.

What I have learned through my time as a stay-at-home mom is that these are some of the most insecure people I've ever met. I am sure it is because they have so much riding on them making the right decision, but we all want to do that. And the only absolute there is in parenting is that nobody does it the same way. It is as individual as finger prints, because that is what you are putting on your children, YOUR FINGER PRINTS. So, what I want to know is why can't moms respect that we are all doing the best we can for our family?

GAS PRICES!

Today I got gas for my Suburban. It cost me 73.01 to fill up. That is 12.00 more than it was last week. I understand the economics of supply and demand, but how can the price rise almost .50 a gallon in a week? It is just insane.


Also, the kids and I are still sick. Declan has been home for the past two days, and Killi only made it to school Weds & Friday, Maggie didn't make it at all this week. I really need for everyone to get healthy. I am sick of being at home with sick kids. As a sick mommy the worst thing to do is have take care of sick kids when you're sick. They are whining and crabby and I just want to lay in bed.

OFF ROADIN '

Every so often I get a moment to look at my life instead of living it. This happened to me the other day while driving in my suburban, with my friend and our 6 children(7 and under). I turned to her and asked, "Do you ever wonder how we got here?" She looked at me, with an expression I hoped was insight, and answered simply, "NO". We then shared what we had seen for ourselves as children, and teenagers, and twenty-somethings, and oddly, neither of us is "exactly" where we'd imagined (ok, maybe we are alittle further away from it than "exactly", like not even close:). We both love are children, husbands and lives, but I just think that life has a way of taking you on an unpaved road. And it's hard and it's fun and I wouldn't change it; but my goodness,if someone could just tell you that you should bring a pillow along to sit on as there is some serious off roadin'
ahead, that would be great!

I AM SO DONE!

I have spent the last two days unable to talk due to some random virus that I am sure my kids picked up at school and kindly passed along to me. It has been a great few days for my husband and kids, no yelling mommy, they think that means do whatever you want. Tonight, I made a nice roast chicken dinner with homemade stuffing and the works. Then I cleaned the kitchen when it was over. Next, I sat down in the chair and listened to my husband bitch about how tired he is, and all he has done today! WHATEVER! He's tired. He slept in for the last two days, both of which I will remind you I have been sick. To make it worse (or better) he leaves Tuesday for a business trip. I would like to understand just once what he is thinking. A month ago when he was sick he did absolutely nothing. I mean NOTHING, oh wait, he napped on the couch and watched everyone else around him work.

I guess you take the good with the bad and do what you need to, but that does not mean I am going to stop bitching about it!