It's a Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow...

I will make a New Year's Resolution this year. I never do, but I am going to really give it a try this year. I am hoping that by stating and setting goals for myself, I will be more willing and able to follow through with it. My resolutions will include two personal, two for my family, and one professional. So, here I go, and please feel free to ask how I am doing through the year, it will help keep me on track:

Personal Resolutions:
Get back on the treadmill
Make time for myself

Family Resolutions:
Spend more individual time with each member of my family
Cut money on "wants" by 50%

Professional Resolutions:
I will get my paper work submitted to sub and do it next school year.


Wish me luck, I am gonna need it!

Frustrated, Incorporated...

Ben went to the doctor today and his ear is still infected and clogged. So, it was a $20 copay, and $120 more in meds. This moth of on going illness is killing me financially. We have passed $500 in doctor and prescriptions for the month and another $180 for our premium. It is too much to take. I yelled at Ben when he told me about all the meds he needed and I feel badly that I did, I was just frustrated.

Me, I Ain't Much Better...

A cold is coming, well, it is here and getting worse. My nose is running, I am sneezing, and my head is clogged, this needs to stop. As quickly as I get over one thing, I get another. My hope is that this is just a cold and it will not get any worse and it will be over soon.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW A SECRET?

I often wonder if everyone has secrets, I think to some extend their is always something we hold back from every relationship, but how much? I think for some their secret is more a "just-don't-share" than a something they hide, but that is still a secret. So, how much do we rally not know about each other? How much would our lives change if we shared all of ourselves with someone? I guess for religious people they have a higher power that knows all of them, maybe that is what I am searching for; Someone to share myself with completely, with no feeling of judgment.

I will keep searching, and until then I will keep my secrets:)

AND I NEVER THOUGHT I'D FEEL THIS WAY...

The Kelley's got a Wii for Christmas. We played it yesterday afternoon, and I went back without the kids last night. I might need one. It is really cool and fun. For now I will play their's, alot, and save my money for one of my own.

I FORGOT!

I forgot to mention my favorite Christmas present, It was my gift from my brother and Kelly and it is a tattoo. I have waited for about 14 years to get one. I was waiting until I was able to fully commit to something, and I finally did. It is a daisy, on my foot, the colors of my kids birthstones. I love it and it did not hurt nearly as much as everyone told me it would. Anyway, I did it and I an proud of myself, it is something I wanted, but was too chicken to do.

SO KISS ME AND SMILE FOR ME...

Well, Christmas is over; tree is down, playroom reorganized, and we are ready for the next project which will be traveling. Ben, Declan and Killi are going back to New Jersey for a football game this weekend and next weekend Maggie and I are off to Florida for my sister's baby shower. We will get home from Florida and the next day my parents come for a week, oh yeah and Billy, Kelly and Angie will come for two days while my parents are here. We will be busy!

The Holiday was good. The kids got more than they could ever want or need. Ben took the girls to church on Christmas Eve, and Declan and I went to my Uncle's for a party. The kids were wonderfully behaved throughout our trip to New Jersey(and are making up for it today), I always tell them how important it is that they behave when we are out, so I guess I have only myself to blame:)

Last night the kids and I went to the Kelley's for dinner(a very,very good one!) with Ryan's mom and brothers. It was a good time and again the kids were great and this time there were six of them all 7-2 1/2, that is pretty impressive! They are awesome kids!

I hope everyone else had a great holiday too and hope the new year is a good one for all!

TAKIN' EACH DAY AND NIGHT AT A TIME...

No, I am still no closer to being ready for Christmas. I did not wrap a single gift today. Did very little packing too. I am starting to get a little stressed, but on the other hand I am starting to find some inner peace. I am not sure where it is coming from for if it is simply exhaustion, but I will take it because I feel peaceful.
I am not worried about things getting done before we go, and I am not stressed about the 4 days at my in-laws, although I swear that my mother-in-law is trying her best to cause me stress. She calls every night with a new "problem" we have encountered. I simply listen and move on. It is 4 days and it will be fine, maybe fun, ok, fine.

The kids are so excited for Santa and that is making me excited. They are at fun ages for Christmas. I really enjoy seeing their faces opening gifts. I am looking forward to my gift from my brother, and can't wait to share a picture when I get back.

And I got a wonderful gift from my husband last night. He is giving up a trip to Pittsburgh for a playoff game so that I can fly to Florida for my sister's baby shower. It was very unexpected and I am very happy. Sometimes, he is a good husband. The only catch, I have to take the little monster with me, but secretly I would rather not leave her, but he thinks I am helping him out:)

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is now Wednesday night, December 19, and I am no closer to being ready for Christmas then I was yesterday. I am down to 2 days left to be ready, and I now wonder if it is going to happen before of after I have a breakdown. I am feeling a bit better, not near well, but better. I think the kidney infection has cleared, and pneumonia is clearing, I am still battling the cough and am so tired, but I really an feeling better than last week. Ben and the kids are on the mend as well, I am thankful for that. I am hopeful that we will stay that way through the holiday.

Ben am I have had to cancel yet another trip we were trying to go on ALONE. I am starting to think it is never going to happen. At least we have that lock on our bedroom door:) Someday I suppose we will have more time alone then I will be able to stand, but for now, we will find time between work, school and kids to see each other.

We had a very busy weekend. We went to pick my mom up at the airport at about 10pm, and on our way I got a call that Rebecca's baby was on the way to the ER. So, Ben and I dropped off the kids and the grandmother and mad a quick run to the hospital to fetch her two health(a relative term,as no one in either one of our families has been health in what seems like weeks!) Back to the house we come, and everyone is tucked in and asleep by 1:30. And my my was here, and did get up with the kids first in the morning, so it was all ok.

We took Saturday morning slow. Waiting to get word on Grayson. Word came and he was staying another night. So, Ben took the four older kids to the movies while I ran to the mall with my my and Maggie. When we got back my mom took Killi and I to get our nails done for Killi's birthday. It was great. I got my eyebrows done on Friday and my feet Saturday, I has made my illness a bit more manageable. I don't feel like I look so shitty anymore. Then we went to dinner and made a run to Target. Then home and off to bed.


Today was kinda a crazy day. I got up and had to make a cake for Killi's Birthday party. Why I thought I wanted to do this at my house on a Football Sunday, I am not sure. Not to mention I am still quite sick. So, no frosting at target, I made my own. It was fine, but then I needed to decorate the cake. I am not very creative and even less artistic. The cake look ok, and Killi liked it. So, it was good.

The best news of all is that Grayson came home, and stopped for cake on the way. Now, I will spend the week getting ready for Christmas. Wrapping, packing, shipping,
and I will get healthy too!(Here's hoping!)

I went to the doctor today. I have pneumonia and a kidney infection. My chest hurts, my ribs ache, I can't sleep because I just cough, I am so tired. Enough self-pity, now I will move on.

This morning, as we were loading up for school, Killi wrote her name on the side of my car. It was awesome. It was the first time she has ever written her name. It was so cool. I hope this is a step in the right direction. She cannot tell you what the letters are except "K", but I will take it and be excited for her. SHE ROCKS!

Maggie is not 100%, and I am not sure which direction we are moving in, she napped today and only does that when she is sick. I am hoping she is not going backwards on me.

Ben is recovering from his pneumonia. Now we play who can cough longer and harder. Fun game.

And Declan is Declan. He got his first report card ever this week. He did great. I am very proud of him. He is reading real books now. It is so cool.

My mom comes tomorrow to take care of us. I am very excited. She will do all my laundry and put it all away. I can't wait. She is the best mom in the world.

A MIXING OF FAITHS

After sharing with our family Declan's desire to celebrate Hanukkah, my husband's aunt(a nun) felt it necessary to send our children a "Christmas" coloring book, each page has a prayer and a picture of the Christmas Story. I thought this was very nice until I spoke to my mother-in-law who informed me that the book was not sent so much out of kindness as to remind us that OUR Family is Christian, and we need to refocus the children on that(I will have you know that at first glance of the book, all three of my kids knew it was a story about baby Jesus).

Boy, did I want to throw the book away after that! We (mostly me) have chosen to raise our children with as much knowledge as we can about other religions and cultures. We live in an area with great diversity and do all we can to introduce the kids to it. We also travel a great deal, mostly to vacation, but this is another great opportunity for our children to encounter people different than they are. Oh well, I will get off my high hose now, and accept the book as a kind gift and enjoy helping my kids learn about Jesus, after all, that is what Christmas is all about, right?

SANTA ARE YOU OUT THERE?

I cannot take it anymore. Enough is enough. I am so sick of being sick or having my house full of sick people. We were back at the doctor today. Maggie has raging double ear infections and Ben pneumonia. I did not go to the doctor myself, but really need to, I feel so ill. I cannot breath through my nose at all, and my chest hurts when I breath. My cough is so hard that I almost wet my pants every time I cough(I think birthing three children is not helping with that:) All in all our house is full of nasty, nasty germs. I carry around a can of Lysol and Clorox wipes and clean everything I can. I am not sure what else to do.

SANTA, IF YOU ARE LISTENING, ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS A HEALTH FAMILY!!!!

HANUKKAH

Our Menorah hunting did not go as smoothly has we had hoped. Ben and I drove around town for an hour and a half, stopping by 10 stores and calling 2 others before we finally found a store that had one(thank you Bed, Bath and Beyond!). I could not believe the number of stores I went into where when I asked if they had a Menorah, they asked what it was, and they were serious. Anyway, we got ours and only missed one day of Hanukkah. We have lit a candle each night since at sundown, as we put on our Christmas Tree and Outside Christmas lights. The kids have really enjoyed learning about Hanukkah and even ate the latkes they helped make for dinner. Best part of all, they never asked about eight night of presents:)

PARTY ALL NIGHT!!!

Let me update everyone, there is alot to say, but I will share only a bit now. First, the baby is still sick. We are on day number 4, and I am so done. She has been in bed with us every night which has not made for good sleep. She sleeps for about 2 hours from about 10pm-2am then is up and down for the rest of the night. It is no good. This morning, Killi decided to join the party and get up at 4am with a fever and throwing up, it was awesome. A fun party we were having in our bed. Everyone is home from school today and resting, I am hoping tomorrow brings us some good health and sleep:)

AS THE BAND BEGAN TO PLAY OUT OF TUNE...

I really need to vent. Today, Ben and I had another meeting with the Child Find people about Killi. The outcome, they will come and evaluate her at school in the next few weeks. What this will do I'm not sure. She has been evaluated time and time again and nothing has come of it. Every time THEY evaluate her, she is fine or borderline or not behind enough to qualify for services; yet every time she is evaluated privately, a determination has been made that she has developmental delays. How can this be? I don't want to believe that they don't want what is best for her and are just blowing us off, but that is how it feels. I am so angry. I am so sad. I am so frustrated. I don't know where to turn next. We have been referred to The Kluge Center at the University of Virginia, and have gotten an appointment there in March. We are happy to have the appointment, but we now need to change our health insurance because none of the specialists we've been referred to take the insurance we have now. So, this means an additional $55 a pay period for health insurance, plus deductibles, plus God knows what else. I will do whatever I need to to help her, but I am really getting fed up with the system, Our we doing early intervention or not?

Next, I'd like to move on to the issue of Maggie being sick. I am not sure what is wrong with her but she has a fever and looks like she has pink eye. She also has a cough. Along with this, if it is possible, she has wanted me to hold her more today than others. I did not think that was possible as I feel all I do is hold/carry her around. I am hoping this plague skips over me as I am only a week out of a cold, shingles and an ear infection. I am sure I will not be that lucky, but I can hope, right?

To top the day, Declan announced at dinner tonight that he was not going to eat tonight until we lit our menorah. We our not Jewish, so I do not have one handy. He learned about Hanukkah at school today, and while I think that is great and I am very happy to have a menorah, pitching a fit at dinner tonight, was not what I needed. So, tomorrow I will search out a menorah for our house and refresh my knowledge of Hanukkah for dinner tomorrow.

Now I am tired as I am suffering a bout of insomnia, and have lots to do, 4 papers, finish Christmas cards, and mail out 50 invitations out for Megan's baby shower. I better get moving. I know tomorrow will be better:)

DON"T STOP BELIEVIN'

I hate the winter! The cold weather has just begun and already I have but on about 5lbs and I am sure there will be more to come. I worked so hard to shed the 30lbs I lost over the last 8 months, and now it is coming back. I guess the fact that I have stopped walking on the treadmill is not helping or the huge amounts of coke I've been drinking. I know I need to get back to walking and cut back on the soda, I just feel like I have no time. I know that is a no excuse, and I need to do it, and I am going to. Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope it's a walking day:)

GOOD NIGHT MOON

Sleep. That is all I've wanted to do all day, so I pretty much have. It was 9:45, before I got out of bed, and then all I did was eat. I was back on the chair asleep by 11:00. I sat there for an hour, then moved to the couch where I slept on and off until 2:15 when I got up to do the dishes (dishwasher broke today, think it hasn't sunk in yet!). I was back asleep by 3 and didn't get up until 5 to help Ben get the kids ready for swimming and get ready for my hour alone with Maggie. I did make the kids dinner, clean up the playroom(Ben let them play all day and never clean up!), ran a vacuum, and do some more dishes, before I got Maggie to bed. Now, all the kids are in bed. Homework is done and I need to go back to sleep. I wish I knew why I felt so shitty. I don't know the last time I slept this much.