CAUTION: DELUSIONS AHEAD!

There are times at night when the kids are all fast asleep, that I think to myself, "This is not nearly as hard as I think it is." I have time do dishes, laundry, and even get abit of down time, what more could I want in a day. I reflect on all that happened throughout the day and no matter how bad I thought it was, it always has a silver lining. A mom could not ask for more, I have three prefect (remember they are sleeping:) children, and we are going to have a good day tomorrow!

SECOND KISS HAD A TWIST

If I could win the lottery what would change? I would move someplace warm. Have a pool and a personal trainer. And yes, that would be great, but real life would not change. I would still be married, still have three kids and still have all the stress that comes with it.

Yesterday brought a new list of doctors to have Killian evaluated by. Which brought insurance issues. Do we have the right one? Do we need to switch? If so what do we switch to. With every answer comes at least two more questions. I feel I am moving in the right direction, still it takes a great deal out of me physically and emotionally. It is causing me some insomnia.

Maggie was a tiny bit better today, not good, but better.


Declan decided he'd throw his hat in the ring and get an ear infection. So, on my way out the door to get Killi, the nurse called and Declan needed to be picked up. Thankfully, I was able to get a doctor's appointment this afternoon and he can get some meds in him so he won't be sick all weekend. A Friday afternoon trip to the pediatrician is never fun, you are never the only one trying to get in before the weekend. It is done, and he has meds, so we are on the road to recovery.

Rarely do I say nice things about the husband(and not because he isn't nice;just taken for granted) but so far today he has been great. I think I've called him no less than 20 times since he left for work, and not once has he blown me off. He has listened and offered only helpful advice. I hope this trend can continue for the rest of the weekend!

I WANT MY TWO DOLLARS!

Being a mom is HARD work. From the time I was 5 I always knew what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to be a kindergarten teacher, get married, and have kids. I am 32 and have achieved the goals I set for myself. For that I am very happy. What I never bargained for was how tough being a mom was going to be, especially with three kids 3 1/2 years apart. Each day brings a new challenge; todays a test in patience. A challenge I seem to be loosing more days than not lately. By the end of everyday, I am so happy to put the kids to bed, not just happy, relieved that my day with them is done. It is not that I don't love them, but boy they are killing me these days.

Today, I took Killi to the pediatrician to have it on record that I believe she has some developmental delays, I am hoping this will help in our fight with the county to get her services. The doctor agreed that she is delayed and sent me on my way with a list of doctors she wants me to see. Now, I am searching for new insurances so that I can find the one that best works with the doctors she needs to see. I printed out the 126 page document for BCBS to see if this is where we go. Tomorrow I will read through a few more. Boy, this is tough. Looking for doctors, insurance, and answers, I am very overwhelmed. I just want to help my child. It is so frustrating, knowing your child needs help and not being able to help them. I will continue on and get the help and services she needs! I won't let her down.

Today was another FANTASTIC day with Maggie! It started about 12:15am when she came in crying, "Mommy I want to hold you", this meant a night sharing a bed with her. Followed by a stiff body from sharing a bed with her, to a grumpy, no patience mommy who listened to "I want to hold you!" all day. She is making me crazy, but I do love her! Ben reminds me every night how much I wanted her:)

Finally, I woke up this morning to find that my dog had found Killi's goop from school and spilled it all over my living room and playroom, it was great. I have new furniture in the living room:( It is clean now, so life goes on.

I am hopeful tomorrow will be a better day. And as hard as my day is, I wouldn't change places with anyone in the world. I have the best family ever (followed closely by the Kelleys :)

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY SONGS ABOUT RAINBOWS?

Today was a tough day for me as a mom. I was not at my best. I was tired and did not want to get out of bed, but I did. And I went to Declan's school, and took the girls to lunch. Came home folded clothes, did dishes, vacuumed, make dinner, did homework, cleaned up dinner, make lunches, put the kids to bed, and this was a light day. Maggie is really testing my patience. She is up my ass all day long. She will not give me 5 minutes to go to the bathroom alone, I really want to cry or run away. On one hand, as a mom, I feel good that she loves and depends on me more than anyone else in the world;on the other, I am tired and could use a trip to the bathroom alone.

I do love her, as I do the other two and know how lucky I am to have them. Tomorrow I will have more patience.(I can hope anyway:))

THE BEST CHRISTMAS SONG EVER!

This is the best Christmas Song I ever heard! I laughed very hard. If you are a traditionalist don't listen, but if you are up for a laugh enjoy!


http://www.globerecords.com/cgi-bin/audio1G.cgi?tdaDir/santaLostAHo.au



I LOVE CHRISTMAS TIME!!!!!

CHRISTMAS TREE AND MORE............

Today we got our Christmas tree; a real one. It is the first real tree Ben and I have ever had. We went out looking for a Charlie Brown Tree and came home with a very nice and full, 6 ft Douglas Fir. I like it ans it smells awesome. Tomorrow we will dress it up, and this year I may let the kids help:)


On another note, I have been having some family issues lately. My 2 1/2 year old has been sooooooooo bad. She spends her day crying and yelling and wanting me to hold and carry her around the house. I am loosing my patience and my body is starting to hurt. I truly do not remember my other two acting this way. They were not perfect at 2, but never like this.

Also, my nearly 5 year old has some learning problems. We are not sure what they are yet and the journey to find answers is getting frustrating and annoying. It seems that nobody has the answer. I have been saying that she has a problem for almost 2 years, and everyone told me she would catch up, now everyone says, there is something wrong, but still no answers. The next two weeks bring us a trip to the pediatrician and the child find office to see if anyone can help.

Lastly, I am on the mend, but not 100%. I feel so much better than I have in a long time. Now if the doctor can just find the root of my auto-immune problems I'll be set.

All this said, I do try to remember how lucky I am. Just about a year ago my 40 year old friend, with three very young children, was diagnosed with cancer and within days had her voice box removed. She has been through chemo and radiation, and is doing great, but can no longer talk without an aide. I am lucky.

My mom told me today of a childhood friend who is struggling with infertility, as I bitch about how awful my baby is. I am so lucky to have my rotten baby. I love her so.

Life is good even when it is crazy. And I am working hard to remember that.

A NICE HOLIDAY!

We had a very nice Thanksgiving. My brother, his girlfriend and her daughter came down from New Jersey on Wednesday and were here until this morning. My brother took Declan and Killi to the movies on Friday while I got some quality time with Maggie(HAHA!) It was nice to get rid of Declan and Killi for a few hours. Tonight we went to the Kelley's for game night and dinner. We all had a good time. I had fun even though I lost again!


On the illness front, I am finally on the mend I think. I feel better than I have in weeks, and my nose is not as gross as last week. I hope I continue in a positive direction.