A Search For Answers...

I am not sure if I have ever mentioned here, but I am not very religious. Spiritual, yes but not at all religious. I have spent many, many years now searching for a religion that fits me and still nothing. I was raised Catholic; did the Catholic school and church thing, but once I was in high school I started really questioning my faith. I read all I can about Christianity a ton about Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Jainism, Buddhism and anything else I can find. I read about the Falun Gong and Wicca. I have even been driven so far as to read Scientology books. I search anywhere I can to find some answers, but still none. I wonder if I will ever have a moment when I will find faith in a religion. I think it is unlikely since the more I search, the fewer answers I find. The more I talk to people, believers, the less I wish to belong. I know many people, including my husband, brother and sister, that are Christian and total followers of Christ, but when I question them about "their God" they don't have answers, just that believing is part of faith.

As a parent, this has been a really hot topic for me. My children were baptized(my husband is Episcopalian)but he does not attend church regularly and after attempting to go as a family for a few months, I quit going and so did they. I will not teach my children something I do not believe in and that I did not believe to be true. So, holidays come and the kids and I research the history of the holiday and enjoy them as time with family. I do not tell the kids what to believe(the girls went to Church with Ben at Christmas) but I do not pretend to believe in things either. When they ask me questions I answer honestly. I let them enjoy the magic of Santa(as I do not believe it is at all religious and is equal to the tooth fairy, it is childhood magic) and at Christmas we read stories about Baby Jesus. At Hanukkah, we light a menorah every night and read the history. I also talk about the winter solstice and karma. I am equal opportunity here. We talk about heaven and reincarnation. I would not be upset at all if my children choose a religion as they grow, and I hope they find one. But for now, I am bringing them along on my journey for answers.

Please feel free to share what you know with me or direct me to answers. I will not be offended by your comments and welcome any thoughts.